The advent of technology like the Internet and social media has brought users the ability to communicate with people from around the world in an instant. And while these inventions have countless benefits, there is no doubt their creation has led to a society that is more socially isolated than ever before.
Gone are the days when you’re neighbor would just stop by to say hi. Few people sit on their front porch and enjoy a summer evening anymore. Despite living in neighborhoods much like those our parents grew up in, we have far less community than when our mothers were raising children.
This is never more obvious than to a first-time mom. And that’s exactly what Erica Stoebick found after giving birth to her first child.
“I was the first one out of my friends to start a family,” Stoebick says. “I’ve always been with kids and I thought I would be totally prepared, but motherhood rocked me and I was super lonely.”
During that period of intense loneliness, she created Momtourage — a Facebook group comprised of moms seeking support, encouragement, and friendship.
The referral-based community quickly began to grow, eventually amassing over 1,000 members, each of whom are placed into a “bond group” made up of roughly 80 other members. That bond group serves as a sort of home base for members — a place to connect on a deeper level.
While there is an air of exclusivity to the community — would-be members must be invited by someone who is already part of the group — Stoebick says she’s worked hard to ensure Momtourage doesn’t give off a “You can’t sit with us” feeling.
“In the Mom World you hear buzzwords like “no-judgement” and “no-shaming,” Stoebick says, noting that those promises are rarely fulfilled. “We’ve put so much energy into creating a culture that’s vulnerable and honest.”
That culture has proven to be an invaluable currency, especially when the number of moms-only Facebook groups seems to extrapolate daily.
“There is so much intention behind every choice we make,” Stoebick says. “It’s really what bonds us in motherhood, that’s what gets you in the club, but it’s so much more than that. These women live and breathe to show up for each other emotionally. We’re walking each other through trauma like divorce, abuse, and financial disaster. The way these women rally around each other and protect each other is really remarkable, and it can be life changing. It can really alter how these women are able to function and recover and heal not just as parents but as women.”
The group does more than just offer emotional support to one another. After a few years of watching Momtourage grow, Stoebick and a dedicated group of admins decided to host community events that gave members a chance to interact face-to-face as well as give back.
“We have two big events every year, we do one in May and one in November,” Stoebick says.
The spring event typically has a Mother’s Day focus, and Stoebick and her team work with local women’s shelters to provide sincere, encouraging cards to women utilizing shelters. The cards are stuffed with gift cards to places where the women can get a little self-care, even if that just means a trip to Target.
During the fall event moms and kids pack backpacks for foster kids who’ve been abruptly yanked from their homes with few or no personal items. The bags are stuffed with blankets, loveys, and other comfort items, which might make the transition a little more bearable.
Kids are encouraged to help mom shop for these items, which Stoebick sees as a way to get them involved in community service early on.
“Personally I’ve always done my damnedest to raise kind, empathetic, thoughtful humans. As a community of women if we are able to lead my example and show our kids what it looks like for moms to be involved in these projects and then get them involved from an age, that’s when it becomes part of their norm.”
It seems likely that Stoebick’s efforts to create something from the ground up will rub off on her kids as well. She says she dedicates roughly 40 hours a week to Momtourage-related business and while she has yet to make a dime off the endeavor, she’s working toward a model that would help her and her team make some much-deserved income.
“Momtourage quickly became my passion. I would say for the first two years it was more of a really fun and fulfilling hobby,” Stoebick says. “Around the two-year mark I had a conversation with a member, and she said ‘This is not the everyday type of mom group, so what can we do to sustain what you’re doing?’”
Since that conversation, Stoebick has been working to create an entirely new platform that would move Momtourage off Facebook, ushering in a new era for the community and its members.
That change may be a little scary for some members, but Stoebick is confident the move will help Momtourage thrive.
“We need a safe space without worry because a lot of times when you talk to older generations about these problems they don’t always understand. Moms need a place to talk about the dark, hard challenges and emotions that can come along with motherhood,” Stoebick says. “There is so much comfort from the honest validation of other women when they say ‘me too’ or they say “I haven’t been there but I’m going to sit with you until you come through it.”
Want to learn more about Momtourage? Check out the new site here.
